People who dedicate themselves to looking after their loved ones should ensure they make time for themselves too, says Morag Chisholm
It is no fun being a carer. It is not a role that allows the option “I’ve had enough of this, thank you. Can I do something different now?” There are no happy endings, the cared-for are not going to get better and release is not necessarily relief. Is there a nobility about caring or is it just bloody awful?
The focus here is on the unpaid, private army, which is increasing relentlessly. Two typical scenarios are caring for a partner and caring for a parent who is slipping into dementia. These roles can have profound effects on the caring individuals concerned and on their relationships.
It is not necessary to actually live with a person to assume the caring role. Although my mother, frail and old, lived 300 miles away with paid carers looking after her, I always had an ear half cocked for that telephone call, the summons, the crisis. And when I was with her, as holiday cover, I was always alert, cat-napping, hurrying back from shopping just in case. I learned something of what caring must be like as an all-day, every day, experience. I am not sure I could do it.
The 72-year-old from Glasgow, who has looked after her granddaughter for 16 years, said: “If I hadn’t stepped in she would have gone into the system and been pushed from pillar to post.”
She said she believes the work of kinship carers across the country is undervalued and not recognised by the authorities, who would otherwise have to pick up the bill for looking after vulnerable children.
Nearly half of all respondents to a survey said they did not know the average weekly cost of a place in a residential care home. Of those that did answer, the mean figure suggested was £396.58 – around £140 below the average fee of £531.The survey also found that many people underestimate the probability of needing care themselves in the future. Out of 2,271 people asked , more than half believed the probability was lower than 40 per cent. Yet research suggests that 65-year-old men have a 68 per cent chance of needing care before they die, while women have an 85 per cent chance. “Voters may struggle to ensure that the quality of services provided to vulnerable members of their community is appropriate … if they do not know what their local authority pays for care,” the report warns.
