A new project is giving voice to people with dementia and their carers

Over the last two years, Tommy Whitelaw has received hundreds of love letters. Wives write pouring out their feelings for their husbands. Sons tell of their devotion to their mothers. Childhood rivalries are long forgotten as siblings affectionately put pen to paper.

Two years ago, Whitelaw began sharing his own love story. His experiences as a full-time carer to his mum, Joan, who had developed vascular dementia, had opened his eyes to the crushing blow the condition deals some families. Seeking comfort and support, he launched a campaign from his bedroom asking others to write to him about their experiences. He pledged to take their letters to the Scottish Parliament and pounded the streets of Scotland to collect many in person.

“Every letter I’ve received has the word love in it. Every letter. But in all those letters love is matched with loneliness and isolation – the exact same things that I was feeling.”

Many of the letters end with a declaration that the author just wanted to write to someone who wouldn’t judge them – a sentiment he was also all-too-familiar with.

“I felt judged at all times caring for my mum. And sometimes when you feel judged it stops you asking for help. When you feel judged, you think, ‘Well, I will try to do this myself.’ And you can’t do it yourself.”