WELL, that’s Christmas then. Everyone happy? I hope so and that there’s not too great a sense of anti-climax.

I have a colleague who claims that, very early into his childhood Christmas Day, his father always intoned, somewhat lugubriously: “Well, it’s as far away now as it ever was.”

Apparently, it was the ultimate remedy for Christmas cheer.

Then there’s New Year, which I suppose is all about change – not everyone’s strong suit. Mind you, these days there’s not so much remembering-the-correct-year-on-cheques any more.

Sometimes I have to think twice on rare occasions I have to sign anything, I’m so used to punching in a pin. More change I suppose.

All of which poses such questions as: “Are all changes for the best?” and “Who decides the changes?”

John and Brenda care for their adult daughter, who has a learning disability. She is now 50 and has lived independently, with support, since she was 21

John and Brenda feel they have always been part of that support, practically and emotionally.

However, in recent times there have seen big changes to their daughter’s circumstances.

“She has moved from a residential, ‘family’ feel house to an individual tenancy in a shared house,” said John. “She lived with the other residents in the previous set-up for a long time, hence the sense of being a family.”

While the couple agree their daughter’s new living arrangements do promote her sense of independence, they feel their input has diminished.

“We just don’t feel as involved as we were,” said John. “Unless she gets into difficulties. Then it’s us who bails her out.”

Brenda said: “We’re asking how can we all work together for our daughter’s best interests? We’ve always encouraged her sense of independence.

“Supporting her to use public transport, to get involved in college courses, helping her with a mobile phone. Without us being involved, these things might not have happened.”

John said: “It’s a balance. Our daughter isn’t always very organised, very tidy. In the past, when things have a got a bit out of hand, we’ve ‘rolled our sleeves up’ and helped sort her room out.

“This isn’t always possible now. We’re told, ‘It’s up to your daughter’ and again, we don’t want to erode her sense of independence – but neither do we want her not coping. We just want the best for her.”

Brenda added: “I think it’s about sitting down together and agreeing these things. Our daughter, the people that support her where she lives and us her parents, her carers.

“If she’s asked, ‘Do you want your mum and dad to help tidy your flat?’ she might just say, ‘No’. But if we were all sat around the table asking the question, ‘How can we best tidy up?’ she could just as easily say, ‘I want mum to help’. We just want to stay involved.”

John and Brenda’s story illustrates that change is not necessarily about right and wrong answers or approaches; what is needed is a mechanism to bring together everyone who wants best for the person most in need. Again and again we hear at Carers Gloucestershire that what carers want most of all is to be recognised as a partner in care.

Ultimately, we hope that whatever else 2013 brings and whatever changes we encounter along the way, the vision of carers being fully recognised, valued and supported in their caring role comes more to fruition. Happy New Year.

http://www.thisisgloucestershire.co.uk/