My life changed incomprehensibly on 13 July 2008. That was the day I became a widower, a single father and quite a large mess.
To tell the truth, it changed in March 2008 when we received the diagnosis; I just didn’t realise it then. I went from being a husband and father, running my own business, to a full-time carer and full-time father and then widower. All within five months.
Everyone in the healthcare industry knows what challenges we face – an ageing population, more lifestyle-related ill health and growing constraints on budgets. In a nutshell, there is an increasing demand for services but fewer resources to deliver them.
I was sitting in the kitchen with the first carer I would shadow when his mobile rang. It was his mum’s social worker calling to discuss what would happen when a respite placement ended. As he spoke, his landline rang and another social worker left a message. Today was the “eye of the storm” in juggling his own disability with caring for a mother and father who had both lost their independence, and who needed round the clock support.
“Welcome to my world,” he said as he came off the phone.
‘To him, care was fragmented and not a system at all; he was the only one who held all the pieces’
This was the start of a day organised for me by Carers Support West Sussex, as part of their efforts to help me understand the experience of being a carer, so I could be more effective at delivering NHS England’s Commitment to Carers.
