Letter to FIFA

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Letter to FIFA

Postby Grommit » 02 Jul 2015, 10:10

Dear potential FIFA CEO,

I’ll bet you think this letter is a diatribe about the corruption and bribery which is currently being investigated by Swiss and American legal teams. Well, it isn’t.
Neither will it contain comments about the playing of the World Cup in a country where it is so hot that eggs could be fried on the penalty spots.

It is a letter about the Womens World Cup which is presently progressing in Canada. I am thoroughly enjoying every minute of the England squad and I watch on iplayer during the day as my caring duties will allow me to stay up throughout the night to watch the games live. This means that I get up the morning after each game and deliberately leave all the radios, televisions and computers in the house in order not to accidently hear or see the scores before I watch the match.To date I have managed to do this.

You may remember, during the Mens World Cup in South Africa, the crowd were supplied with something resembling the inside of toilet rolls which, when blown, created a monotonous noise that drowned out commentary and completely destroyed enjoyment of the games.

FIFA decided that these should be banned from future competitions.

When you take over FIFA from Blatter would you please consider banning drummers from every future game? As an amateur musician I am well aware of the emotional effects that drums can have on audiences when the drums are correctly tuned and played with different drum sticks in accordance with the music painstakingly assembled by the composer.

I do, therefore, resent the monotonous and non stop banging of drums throughout the 90 minutes of a football game. As soon as the whistle blows to start play, some great hairy loon starts knocking six shades of dark brown stuff out of a drum or set of drums, out of tune and out of time, managing to interrupt commentators with their boring, incessant noise.

So my suggestion is not to ban drums and drummers from football games but to allow them in providing they place one drum stick up each nostril and then sit on their drums until they finally vanish into the place where they cannot be played.

Thank you in anticipation that my suggestion will receive your attention.
Grommit
 

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