Take good care to look after the carers

People who dedicate themselves to looking after their loved ones should ensure they make time for themselves too, says Morag Chisholm

It is no fun being a carer. It is not a role that allows the option “I’ve had enough of this, thank you. Can I do something different now?” There are no happy endings, the cared-for are not going to get better and release is not necessarily relief. Is there a nobility about caring or is it just bloody awful?

The focus here is on the unpaid, private army, which is increasing relentlessly. Two typical scenarios are caring for a partner and caring for a parent who is slipping into dementia. These roles can have profound effects on the caring individuals concerned and on their relationships.

It is not necessary to actually live with a person to assume the caring role. Although my mother, frail and old, lived 300 miles away with paid carers looking after her, I always had an ear half cocked for that telephone call, the summons, the crisis. And when I was with her, as holiday cover, I was always alert, cat-napping, hurrying back from shopping just in case. I learned something of what caring must be like as an all-day, every day, experience. I am not sure I could do it.